Yes, I Am Evil

This story actually makes sense to a few people. For everyone else though, just enjoy. :P

I spent a long time the other day killing trees. Now, I know what you're thinking, Why in the world was she killing trees??! That's evil!...And I don't really care. I know it sounds weird, but it makes a good story, huh?

To put it plainly, the trees started it. Someone grew them wrong, crushed a leaf when they were baby trees - something - and they turned evil first. I swear, these things had faces and arms and roots that tried to throw you sky-high! Seriously, one of them sprouted up under me and threw me ten feet in the air!

Another problem with this sort of hunting is that they always pop up in the oddest of places. You're not going to find an evil tree in any sort of place - say, your backyard - since there it's hard for it to grow wrong. This particular tree happened to be in the jungle. Surrounded by poison-dart toting natives and... monkeys! Yes, lots of monkeys. I think those were the worst part.

I showed up not long after that great tree's evil side had started sending signals all across the land. Some stupid people before me had found the sprout and had raised it wrong. It's all their fault! Seriously!

So what do you do with a handful of insane gardeners, an evil tree sprouting roots that try to devour you, a couple natives circling the tree to reach you, and a hatchet? Chop!

That thing was... pretty huge. It took like twenty minutes to cut it down, even though more of my friends (and not-so-much-friends) showed up to help.

I remember once while I was lighting a section of the tree on fire, my friend suddenly cried out that the natives had got her. I could see her dying right in front of me, yet I didn't have the antidote to save her! All the while, the evil tree was after her too.

She ran from the native - to the other side of the tree - and I didn't hear much from her for a while. Eventually I got a whole circle of fire around the tree, and went after the roots, hoping that would stop the madness.

And did I tell you about the small, loud, green guy? Yea, some of you might call him a leprechaun. I call him a bundle of... annoying! Can he seriously only stand there shouting to kill it? And, "Oh! Why does this always happen to me?! Kill 'im! He's almost dead!" Etc, etc. I know I for one wanted to strangle the little guy by the end. Wasn't he supposed to be there to help? 

As I was contemplating the best way to kill him, my poisoned friend came around the tree again, rejoicing that the poison had worn off. I could see the circles under her eyes and the paleness of her features which were the tolls that the poison had taken on her. If it hadn't worn off then, the poison would have killed her.

Then she died.

...Right in front of me...

I'm seriously scarred now.

Apparently the poison hadn't worn off as much as she had thought, and it, well... Yea, you get the idea. She became a pile of bones right in front of my eyes (that being the nature of the poison) and I'll never forget that to this day. Thanks a lot.

On to more pleasant matters (well, depends on your definition). The tree was almost dead. By the time its last root was gone, its last branch burnt and buried, my friend was long gone.

Sadly, we never got to punish the people who had maltreated the tree in the first place. Wow, that would have been fun. [insert evil grin here] You never knew I was evil too, huh?