My Vacuum Cleaner Grew a Beard

I must have just been having a really, really bad day. It was Saturday, the day we clean everything, which is usually a good day for me. Sleeping in is a plus. Then of course no school either. Saturdays are days when friends tend to have parties, and parties are cool. Just so you know. But, alas, none of this benefited me.

My sister and I had stayed up late (talking or arguing, I don't remember) the night before, and I had a really weird dream too, which woke me up at five. With all that, I hadn't gotten much sleep. Then... Actually, why don't I tell you about my dream? It was actually probably my good day gone wrong... which might have told me something, but I could care less.

From what I remember (writing the day after), it started out with this old lady coming to our house. I'm not sure why, or who she was, but she was there. And as we all know,  old ladies in dreams don't usually bode well. Because they tend to always have a mean streak and some superpower to throw you against walls. At least she didn't have that. She just had a cat.

The cat was nameless and hairless, a combination that should always be avoided. Even when you're not dreaming. But either way, I didn't think there was much of a problem with it for a while. My sister and the old lady were on the other end of the room, and I was reading something (I don't remember what) on the couch. This cat just walks up to me and, of all things, sits right next to me.

Now don't get me wrong - I love cats. But this one was just... ugly. There was no way I would touch that thing! So I scooted over. I think that was where I went wrong. This insane growl suddenly ripped through the animal, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to rise. It was like a cougar in the house, or something similar. In an attempt to appease it then, I reached out and stroked its back cautiously. The thing actually stared at me for a while, probably wondering why I suddenly liked it. I didn't, but it thought I did.

Eventually, I calmed down a bit, still not sure why I was so scared of a forty-year old cat. Don't ask where that number came from, this is a dream, okay? I stopped stroking the cat, and it closed its eyes. After a while (not long actually), it started growling again, but the book was so interesting... Why can't I put it down...? Alas, nothing goes right in these sorts of dreams! I sat there for a very long time, reading the book as the cat climbed off the couch, ready to pounce...

I think my leg fell asleep. That's what my sister said when I told her about my dream anyway. Suddenly, the cat pounced on my leg, ripping and peeling it into small shreds with both teeth and claws. I don't actually remember screaming, but... That was probably stupid not to. Well, it was a dream, who cares? I quickly got over my shock, picking up the animal by the back of its neck. The thing continued to squirm, kicking and biting at my arm now. If I had been awake, I would have scars now.

The old lady came running over, and actually quite fast for an old lady. She screamed in my ear something about "her baby" and "you'll kill her" and "put her down!" Couldn't she see that thing wanting to rip my eyes out?! How crazy was she? But eventually I put it down for her sake, and the cat slunk off to hide behind her legs, eying me with its evil yellow eyes. I could have sworn it was saying it wanted to rip me to pieces with those razor sharp teeth.

I shuddered, and the lady grumbled something about "how not to deal with old cats" and "maybe a little tolerance goes a long way." I waved her off. She picked up the cat and left.

I'm not sure what happened after that for a while. It wasn't all that interesting either. Next part I remember, I was in another chair, reading an email when the cat came up behind me. Once again, I had no idea it was there...  It could have eaten me before I would have noticed. But it didn't. The monster contented itself with watching me... probably reading my emails. The brute!

But it wasn't contented for long. Just as I was checking my Facebook, the monster charged, going after my leg yet again--and then I think I woke up.

Though with all that, I haven't explained how my vacuum cleaner grew a beard! Oh well, I'll have to finish that later, because (sadly) I am behind in posting now!